The NEW Game Plan!?!?!?

What's the plan? Funny.  I haven’t posted in a year and now 2 posts in two days???  WOW!!!  I wanted the update and the new plan to be two different posts because one was kind of where we’ve been and the other is where we are going.  This one is kind of a long one but well worth the read!

Decision

When we originally started towards the process of adopting through the foster care system in October 2010.  We were discussing with our licensing specialist about fostering, foster to adopt, and adopting, what the differences were, and how we should move forward. ask-question

Placement Types

Fostering:  Bringing children into your home with the purpose of caring and loving the them, while their family has the opportunity to meet certain requirements for the them to return home.  The initial goal is always for the kids to return home or be placed with a family member if unable to go back to birth parents.  If family is unable to take the child, the foster parents have first option to adopt the child.  If the foster parents do not choose to adopt, the child is placed on the adoption registry.  This type of placement has a lot of unknowns and there is a high likelihood for reunification and having a multitude of placements before we might be able to adopt.

Foster to Adopt:  In this stage, the foster parents are not planning on adopting the child and the case plan for the child is moving for adoption.  The parental rights have not been severed yet, but reunification is unlikely.  CPS will work through the process of red file staffing and choosing an adoptive family for the child to be placed with.  With this placement type, there is less chance of the child returning home, however it is still an option.  Also, family members could be located who will take the child and you still might lose the placement and not get to adopt this child.

Adoption:  This type of placement occurs when the parental rights are already severed and the case plan is adoption.  The foster parents are not adopting, an adoptive family is selected and the child is placed with them.  This is the safest route with the smallest chance of not being able to adopt the child.

Initially, we were planning on fostering with the hopes of adopting children one day who came into our home and were unable to reunite with their birth family.  Being supportive of our ultimate goal of adoption, our licensing specialist encouraged us to start with adoption or foster to adopt.  We really wanted to add to our family as soon as possible and were willing to take the extra risk and chose Foster to Adopt as the placement type we would accept.

Foster to Adopt

From the Decision to Now: The Process & Events

We have been on the adoption registry for two and a half years now and do not have children in our home yet.  We have had a potential foster to adopt and a private adoption fall through in this timeframe.  We have also had one little girl we were contacted about but not chosen for the red file staffing.  And another child we were contacted about that we were chosen for the red file staffing but we felt the needs were beyond what we were capable of and the child needed a true stay at home parent who didn’t work.

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Goal

When preparing to decide if we were going to renew our adoption certificate this year, we had many lengthy discussions about our future and plans, being in limbo, frustration, and discouragement.  We have love to give and want to experience the joy of parenting.  After previous disappointments we weren’t sure how much more we can handle.

Limbo is an awful place in between setting out on a mission and achieving the desired result. When reaching your goal is out of your control and your life is in someone else’s hands, it can be maddening!  I have been taught lesson after lesson through the process of infertility, pregnancy loss, feeling like my body is failing me and I am failing my husband, and potential adoptions not working out.

Patience is something I have been tested with over and over again, as well as releasing things, trusting in God and believing there is a plan for my life even when it seems impossible. Sometimes I would really love a flashing neon sign showing me the plan and explaining why the road has to be so rough, however I do believe everything happens for a reason.  Ultimately we have learned we are an amazing, strong people and our relationship has grown and blossomed. In August, our plan became not to renew our certificate, to let our current one run out and that would be it.  We were disappointed and did not feel we would receive an adoption placement for our preferred age range but didn’t feel changing our parameters was the right thing to do.  We have aired on the side of the cautious one, not pushing each other into anything.  I was very unsettled with this decision.  I was crying every day and not ready to accept I would never be a parent.

For quite some time I have felt called to fostering but have been resistant because I wanted less risk and more certainty.  I was feeling particularly distraught one day and while online I searched for a church I had been to a long time ago.  I found the website and I watched some sermons online.  I was having a crisis of faith and truly was seeking help, guidance, or comfort with our decision and decided to go to church the next day.  A friendly woman sat next to me. After the service she talked with me, said God told her she was to sit next to me, she asked questions, I cried, and she prayed with me.  Later she introduced me to a member who is currently fostering.  Both ladies offered support and encouragement and I felt comfortable and loved (even after crying in front of strangers).  When I got home, we had another difficult conversation where I expressed I was not done or ready to accept I would not be a parent and believed we were called to foster.  We decided to renew our adoption certificate at this time but could not come to agreement on fostering.

The unknown’s of fostering when you are hoping to adopt can be challenging.  In the process we could have the opportunity to bless multiple children and enjoy parenting even if it is for a short time.  But also know we may be faced with reunifying multiple children and not have the opportunity to adopt arise.  When we went notarize our adoption paperwork, the notary who signed our paper last year  talked to us about how he is fostering and now adopting a foster child.  He discussed his experiences, providing encouragement and answered questions.  It multiple ways, God was leading us towards what I already felt called to do.

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We have decided to move towards fostering at this time.  We have completed the classes we needed but still have additional paperwork and an inspection to pass before approved.  We are both excited and nervous about our new path, and are hopeful it will lead to adoption one day. We know our family and friends share in the roller coaster ride of building our family and hope to receive the continued support of our loved ones on this new journey.

With Love,

J & M

happyhouse2

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Posted on October 25, 2013, in adoption, certification, faith, family, foster care, foster to adopt, home study, hope, kids, love, red file, waiting and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Congrats on taking a huge step of faith and following your hearts desire. God’s got your back! I’ll continue keeping both of you as well as future children placed in my prayers.

    S

  2. Thank you for reading my blog! Blessings on you as you start down this new, exciting, scary road of fostering!! It took me a long time to decide to foster, too. At one point I told someone that I just didn’t have enough faith yet to foster!! It was a difficult road at times, but I’m so glad we went down it! After awhile, I realized that if we fostered long enough, eventually we’d be able to adopt! And it helped so much to have actual children in the home after waiting and praying for so long. It took my mind off my infertility and saddness and gave me new challenges.

    Also, by way of encouragement, we were licensed, recieved two children who went back home after only 6 months, then 2 months later got our little boy, then our little girl, both of whom we adopted. I feel like the timing was just right – God knew who our children needed to be, and when they would need parents. So you can see all these setbacks as signs that the child God knows will need you isn’t ready yet!

    Again, God bless you as you embark on this new journey!

    • Thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words! It is exciting and scary at the same time. I believe like you said it will feel better to have children in the home after 8+ years of trying to expand our family, even if the initial children are not our forever children. I know God has a plan!

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